November 25, 2007
17:50 pm
After Marlene’s death I was depressed, but I got better with anti-depressant pills, which level the unbalanced chemistry in the brain. Decided to take them before I hit rock bottom! I took them for 3 months only and I feel much better. And after all I have gone through, well, life is a bit sad. So many deaths in the family. And in only one year. So much suffering.
I find that if I pray I feel better, thus here I am praying every day.
I have felt so alone – Marlene with whom I laughed, I cried, I comforted – all our plans of aging together and going to the beach and having fun. They are all gone. And then my cousin Carlos Jose, who was like my brother, who hugged me and comforted me when I could not stand the pain of leaving Marlene in Nicaragua, who took me along in his working trips around Nicaragua, who walked me home late at night, gone also and at age 48. All our laughter together and our cries – all gone and forever.
I feel that I have been left alone, that I am the one left to take care of everybody else, and I am all alone.
Sometimes I am very sad, but Emma Christine our 18 month old granddaughter is the one who makes me laugh. You should see her standing on the piano bench and hitting the keys with such force and then she turns around, looks at us and waits for our praise and she claps also and then continues with her playing, so sure and proud of herself as if she has performed an amazing symphony!